There are no suitable words to describe the performance of Malaysian athletes at the Athens Olympics - the news was much nicer than reality. A multi-million budget had been allocated to train our athletes, apparently all just to gain experience.

They participate in international meets to gain exposure. Our standards, like it or not, are only good enough for the SEA Games. And Malaysia becomes the champion only when it has the home ground advantage.

If our athletes lose, they allege cheating by the organisers, biased officials and unfavourable schedules. The norm is, as a line by Susan Lancaster in the comedy 'Mekanik' goes, putihkah, birukah, hitamkah, kitakan orang Malaysia ... (be it white, blue or black, we are still Malaysian).

If there is a record that Malaysian leaders want to boast about, it is the Malaysian Book of Records. In Sarawak, there is even the Sarawak Book of Records, which was started just so some folks can see their names in print.

But the state's achievements in the Malaysian Games have been unsatisfactory for the last six years. Perhaps there are acceptable reasons for this but, in truth, they have only made half-hearted efforts.

Since their own chance of getting their names recorded in the Guinness Book of Records is slim, Malaysian leaders who have grown up and succeeded with the help of the New Economic Policy, feel it is their right to be accorded preferential treatment and to enter a book of records, even though they knew that one day, that would only be laughed at by their grandchildren.

Magic lamp

The tale of Alladin's magic lamp became popular with a group of children studying in a private school in Kuching not long ago. Their version is not very different from the original story.

Their lead character is not an Arab youth. The tale is captivating. It is about a hero named Alladin Wong Lau Hu, a migrant from the Fujian district in China, who arrived in Kuching in the early 1940s when Japan was invading China.

After living in Malaysia for more than 50 years, Alladin bought a plot of 'Native Customary Rights' land from a pribumi (indigenous person) at a very low price of about RM10,000 per acre. Since Alladin's earnings as a taxi driver had suffered greatly due to competition from operators of pirate taxis, he wanted to switch to agriculture.

While clearing the land, which was not more than 10km from the centre of Kuching city, Alladin found an ancient lamp. At first, he thought that it was just a piece of junk. Just for fun, he polished it and asked, "Anybody home?"

Suddenly, there was a puff of smoke and a genie and asked, "What is your request old man, you have just one opportunity."

Without hesitation, Alladin shouted, "I want to become a successful businessman."

Even before he had finished, Alladin found himself in a room surrounded by a mountain of files and a sexy secretary. Every three minutes, his phone would ring and an accountant would continually come in with a cheque for him to sign.

Alladin was angry, and said, "Genie ... there is a small problem."

The genie appeared and Alladin whispered in his ear. The genie smiled, and said, "Just admit frankly that you do not wish to become a bumiputera businessman."

As I was only schooled in a kampung (village), I do not fully comprehend the story. Perhaps you can better understand the moral of the story.

Genie in luxury cars

To kampung folk like me, the magic lamp may well have been a small part of the treasures of the Raja Brooke dynasty who ruled Sarawak for several hundred years. However, in this day and age, stories like that of the Alladin and his genie are considered old news.

The only difference is that most of the genies own luxury cars, such as a Mercedes Benz, Jaguar and Rolls Royce. Their power, people say, is god-like. They determine the fortunes of the Alladins, who are from a variety of racial backgrounds and make requests continually.

Just like the genie in the Alladin story, they are most generous and kind hearted to everyone, especially those who like to heap praise on them. Their way of helping businessmen to succeed is not very different from how the genie helped Alladin.

With their power, the genies usually grant licences and contracts to whoever wants to become an Alladin. Don't be songeh (petty) as Indonesian politicians say, just play 4D, you're sure to 'strike' (win).

However, 4D does not stand for four-digit lottery, but Duduk, Diam, Dengar, Duit (sit, quiet, listen, money). With a five percent commission that is most decidedly not halal.

If we look at all the main projects in the state, their licences are all in the names of pribumis , primarily those from the clan of Sir Vacuum Cleaner from Gas Asli. As if inspired by the Singaporean millionaire, who deals in sewage disposal, the most lucrative business in Sarawak is now sewage treatment.

Sewage is pumped from lavatories, whether anyone has actually made use of the lavatories or not. This has prompted some small kids to ask whether the garden of Sir Vacuum Cleaner was so vast that he needed their excreta as fertiliser!

Did you know that the leading player in rubbish and sewage disposal in the state is a Mat Salleh , a European? And an expert environmentalist, no less. As usual, the rakyat are given a sweetener in the form of funds worth several million ringgit. We then forget about their dirty tactics, which will colonise us for hundreds of years.

Do not misunderstand, some say, it is actually our revenge on the Mat Salleh . We are enslaving them and smearing them with our own waste. The Mat Salleh do not mind, they just put on bare expressions. It seems that payment for the pumping of sewage and related work total billions of ringgit!

Because of zealous efforts to become well known globally, compete with other nations. With sweet words and millions of ringgit as bait, we have lured several foreign investors to our shores.

They brought with them their best managers and industries, of which we can only make sense after searching in our dictionaries. Apparently, all to ensure a more clearly defined success.

We must pump in more funds. Swayed by presentations with LCD screens and several projectors, we rush to borrow funds, because profits are higher than those from get-rich-quick scams.

The monthly salaries of their officials and engineers are on par with what one of our national heroes earn in a lifetime. Strangely, these imported personnel spend most of their time lounging in elite clubs, enjoying themselves with local girls.

In the local papers, the launch of the project had more coverage than a tomato festival in Italy. More prestigous than a bull fight in Spain. Unfortunately, the putrid smell of its failure is globally known. As the kids of today say - the first time is stupidity, after that, you've been swindled..

Only God knows how many roads we could have built, how many children educated and how many first class graduates produced with the funds wasted. And they just say, 'Who cares, it's not my money, it's government funds, all fated ...'

New haunt

There has been news that Abu Nawas (in folklore, an astute character) has come up with a new word, which is even more exciting than 'Infotainmen' and 'MyKad'. Shorter and more concise, inspired by the Umno general assembly. All awaiting the approval from the genie, depending on the apple-polishing efforts and offers from Alladin - SK and SA.

Umno people in Sarawak, though not many in number, must be smiling. They happily want to bring the party to Sarawak. Not to strengthen the struggle of the party, but to defeat their foes who already wield power. When will Umno set its feet on Sarawak, they ask.

If I am not mistaken, SK stands for salam kosong (empty handshake), while SA means salam ada (fruitful handshake). Normally, more votes go to the SA. So Alladin must surely be busy.

A big problem arose when the licence of the genie's magic carpet was suspended for a period, due to a misfortune that took place several days ago.

If someone is an SK, he will just get a big fat 'E' to add to the SK and SA, and form the word SEKSA (persecute). Just wait and see for yourself how many Alladins, Abu Nawas and genies will be encamped in Ba'Kelalan not too long from now.

Not to make life easier for the rakyat, but to maintain the winning record of Barisan Nasional, which has never been lost. Even if that cannot make it into the Guinness Book of Records, the Sarawak Book of Records, which will soon be published, will suffice.

MUNSYI KASSIM of Sarawak is a mainstream print and electronic media practitioner who feels 'shackled' by the Barisan Nasional government. He is a revolutionary who completed his schooling in a Malay school but has been influenced considerably by Western thinking.