As one agony aunt said, “It is better to receive two tight slaps in the face from an enemy, than to be knifed in the back by a friend.” She adds, “One small act of deceit and one tiny lie, renders meaningless one hundred truths.”

To have been betrayed is one of the most soul-destroying experiences a person can feel. Betrayals don’t just involve marital affairs. Leaders of nations are wont to betray their citizens, just as politicians often betray the electorate.

A betrayal rarely comes from one’s enemies, and most people will have been betrayed at least once. Before someone can feel betrayed, the betrayer and the betrayed must share a special bond. That bond is called trust.

To be betrayed is a lesson in reality. The person who discovers that his friend, in whom he placed complete trust, has let him down, will be crushed. Previous happy moments will now be scrutinised. A betrayal invokes the feeling of grief and a loss of innocence.

There are many acts of betrayal.

Business associates. A director may wonder whom he should trust when major business decisions are taken without the board’s approval, when discussions are made behind his back and implemented without consultation. The betrayer puts his self-interests first, or has failed to recognise an act of sabotage by a rival firm.

Coalition partners. In the ‘old’ Pakatan, Hadi Awang, the president of PAS failed to attend major ‘heads of coalition’ meetings. He feigned illness, but the PAS central committee members’ decisions, made in his absence, were quashed. Hadi’s acts of betrayal, with U-turns, delays and vetoes, are an insult to the electorate and his coalition party members. Those betrayals were fuelled by Hadi’s greed for power.

Community leaders. Umno Baru leaders told the Malay community that they were a special race, with special privileges (Ketuanan Melayu). The gullible Malays placed complete trust in these leaders, but when reality sunk in, many Malays found that despite the New Economic Policy (NEP), they were amongst the poorest in the land. They were unable to afford cheap homes, and had to fight with cheap migrant workers for jobs. So, many felt complete betrayal.

Family. The head of the family leaves a will, dictating how his inheritance should be shared. Despite receiving a small fortune, from his relative whilst the relative was alive, one member of the family challenges the will. Then the family members will take sides, and ignore the wishes of the deceased. With trust among the family members destroyed, the only things to triumph are the acts of betrayal, greed and jealousy.

Friends. A wife confides in a friend, and pours out her sadness about her husband’s infidelity. A few days later, she is horrified to find that the whole town is discussing her husband’s unfaithfulness. Her pain is intensified by this betrayal of friendship.

Individual against nation. The traitor who sells the nation’s secrets, like the plans and location of a submarine docking yard, is risking the sovereignty and security of the nation. Money is the prime mover in this betrayal.

Betraying the people’s trust

Leader of a nation. A leader uses taxpayers’ money to line his own pockets, to reward his own family, or to set aside money to distribute to key people, to improve his chances of winning a future election. Hoarding the money instead of spending it to uplift the lives of the most deprived, means that he has betrayed the trust which was placed in him by the people. It is a common act of betrayal, which has afflicted the Malaysian rakyat for decades.

MPs and rakyat. The leader who refuses to act in the interests of the people will only undermine the credibility of the party, in the eyes of the party members and the electorate. The revelation that many MPs were absent during the tabling of the Prevention of Terrorism Bill shocked everyone. This act of betrayal damaged the parties and the nation.

Nation states. It must be hurtful for Sabahans and Sarawakians to know that their petroleum money has been used to build roads and hospitals in peninsular Malaysia. The pan-Borneo highway is still a pipe-dream, and many communities in Sabah live below the poverty line. This act of betrayal, which prevents them from sharing the wealth from their own resources, weighs heavily on the minds of many east Malaysians.

Parent and child. The child who is beaten and neglected, because money, which should have been used for his well-being, has been spent on drugs or wasted on trivia, has been betrayed by his parents. They should have loved and supported their child.

Work colleagues. A person agrees to swop shifts so that his colleague can have time-off for personal reasons. On the appointed day, the person reneges on his promise, and does not cover the shift. Inevitably, the person who arranged to swop shifts with another will be disciplined and have his pay docked. This may have been a deliberate act of betrayal, to scupper the chances of the friend’s promotion.

Be careful what you wish for. When someone promises more power, more clout and more money, the trust which you have cultivated, may be gone in a matter of seconds. It will take a long time to regain the trust and it may be lost forever.

MARIAM MOKHTAR is a defender of the truth, the admiral-general of the Green Bean Army and president of the Perak Liberation Organisation (PLO).