SATIRE | An ode to watches, with apologies to makers of timepieces.

Speaker: Gombak Timur, silakan…

YB: Dengan izin… Ask the Ministry of Finance to state the time on the watch called “Brazen Sky” for which the government paid a whopping US$940 million?

Mentri: Dengan izin, Tan Sri Yang diPertua, I like to, first of all, clarify that “Brazen Sky” is not a watch. It does more than that and keeps you connected to those who matter most, exchanging time for location.

For example, if the owner of the watch, Jho Loh wants to know the location of his pals Rizal and Leo, all he has to do is to tinker with his dial and the images are immediately transmitted to the face of the watch.

(Can the Parliament usher ensure this is captured on our large-screen LCD TV inside the House?) Right now, they are in Larry Flynt's Lucky Lady Casino in Gardenia. From the pile on the table, it appears that the chips are down.

YB: Sir, I just asked for the time…

Mentri: Can you also see a couple of not-so-well-dressed girls at the table? Sorry, no interruptions and I am not giving way as an important transaction is taking place.

Jho Loh has asked for reinforcements via his special account; watch the chip pile in front of him grows. This is one of the greatest innovations. From the wrist, you control everything!

YB: Sir, the time, please!

Mentri: Be patient, YB. There are several more features. Brazen Sky is designed to connect you to an intimate circle of those who matter most. Therefore, it has to be beautiful enough to warrant a permanent place on your wrist.

Through this watch, you can connect instantaneously with friends and loved ones, Godfathers and paymasters too! You press the figure “12” on the top and Jho Loh appears with a sizeable number of cards.

“Your wish is my command,” he says to Big Mamma who is in the Hermes shop in Paris. “Check with boss if I can have the blue and the red… I don’t want him to be out of pocket,” she tells him.

“Madam, take all six. It’s only 100k US each… Veli veli cheap for my standard!”...