SATIRE | The old journalistic mantra was “when in doubt, check it out” but the new code is “when in doubt, leave it out.”

That is why a glossary of terms never appear in the mainstream media. To add insult to injury, some editors pretend not to know of the present crisis facing the nation. They are deciding what you should read by omitting crucial facts and figures that can determine the future of this nation.

As a service to the nation, we explain the meaning of some words which do not appear in the mainstream media. Although not exhaustive, these words have made headlines in over 40 countries, except Malaysia.

1MDB: Never heard of it? They do not stand for Many Dumb Blokes. The single figure and the alphabets were created by the opposition to cast aspersions on the government and purveyors of fake news.

“Don’t try the 1MDB trick. Some politicians are known for selling fake news.”

Chemical (Comical) Ali: At the height of the invasion of Iraq, one man stood out with his infamous quotes after the US forces had annihilated the Iraqi army. Here’s one of his many quotes:

“They fled. The American louts fled. Indeed, concerning the fighting waged by the heroes of the Arab Socialist Baath Party, one amazing thing really is the cowardice of the American soldiers. God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis.”

Our very own version of Chemical (Comical) Ali made a special appearance by stating: “Yet again, the opposition have seized upon unverified and unproven allegations regarding a yacht named The Equanimity.

“Amongst others, it is alleged that Jho Low owns the yacht, and that it was purchased with funds from 1MDB. This is yet another failed attempt to mislead Malaysians, using fake news.”

“When our Chemical (Comical) Ali says something, in the Malaysian context, it means the propaganda chief is spinning another fib which should be treated with a generous amount of salt.”

Aabar: When one is told that he had been a victim of Aabar, it meant that money due to him ended in a different account. With so many companies with similar names, some do it deliberately to deceive their friends.

“The Nasi Kandar fellow did an Aabar on me. After agreeing to bank money into my account, he banked it an account with a name that sounds and looks like mine. He now tries to claim he has settled his debt.”

Donation: Political parties and politicians love this word, especially if it has a remote link the Arabs. Even money looted from the people is described as donation and half the population believes it.

“The donation of RM2.6 billion I received was a donation to help us win the elections. I have returned the unused money.”

Miranda Kerr: It means doing the right thing at all times with impeccable sense of integrity. It also means listening to your conscience.

“Unlike Big Mama who hung on to the pink diamonds, her counterpart did a Miranda Kerr when the MACC confronted her. Never batted an eyelid when told of the source of funds.”

Monet: Not to be confused with the Malay word for monkey. Claude Monet was an artist whose works now cost millions. “Doing a Monet” means buying expensive gifts with other people’s money.

“The Fat Boy exposed himself as a Monet. He used our money to make films and buy luxury apartments in New York.”

Running on empty: This is not a fuel gauge or indicator of how much gas is left in the petrol tank. When no big name wants to certify your accounts, you are literally “running on empty”.

“He claims to have made millions from selling real estate and yet, he is running on empty.”

Casino Rizal: It is a place to gamble but with a big difference - you don’t use your money. It arrives by the millions to the table mysteriously.

“That place is meant for sleazebags and scums. They come with empty pockets and want to break the bank at Casino Rizal.”

Jho Low: Yet another character but no relation to Jennifer Lopez who has the same initials. This one was created by an MP, Tony Pua.

It was aimed at extracting the truth without using the truth serum. This is a better way for the opposition to raise the issue whenever there are people caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

“Tony was like a Rottweiler; after biting, he did not let go as he wanted the truth from the horse’s mouth - from Jho Low.”

Equanimity: The dictionary meaning of this word is “calmness” and “composure”, especially in a difficult situation.

It aptly describes what the owner of the yacht Equanimity is going through. And despite his current trials and tribulations, the owner has questioned the seizure, while Malaysian propagandists say otherwise. (See Comical Ali above)

“Jho Low accepted the good, but treated the bad with equanimity.”

R NADESWARAN opines that editors are making fools of Malaysians who know better through reading reliable news portals. Comments: citizen.nades22@gmail.com.

The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of Malaysiakini.