SATIRE | Oh boy, the whole nation has stopped thinking
SATIRE | Being summoned by the boss on a Sunday at short notice was never the norm. He would normally pack off to the isigodi, or village in the Zulu language. But ever since madam set herself up as “FLOM” – first lady of ministry, the summonses have become more frequent.
He doesn’t resent the boss. After all, he had been a hard-working, principled and upright man who had admirers across the divide. But lately, Lady Macbeth (as they refer to her) has been doing the calling – for the trivial of reasons.
He had a late night – a nephew’s wedding party, where more liquor than air sirup flowed. The hangover was bothering him and after cleansing his mouth (God forbid if she or anyone smells the vapour of stale alcohol) with a peppermint-flavoured wash, the drive to the government bungalow was uneventful.
His colleagues were already there and this was supposed to be an emergency meeting. The boss, dispensing with the formalities made the grim announcement.
“We can’t control them anymore. After all we had done, their minds are as free as the winds blow. We cannot contain their outflow of ideas and thoughts, which will cause us problems in the future.
“Too many of these people are espousing their thoughts and exercising their rights, aided and abetted by the foreign media and a handful of local journos...
SATIRE | Being summoned by the boss on a Sunday at short notice was never the norm. He would normally pack off to the isigodi, or village in the Zulu language. But ever since madam set herself up as “FLOM” – first lady of ministry, the summonses have become more frequent.
He doesn’t resent the boss. After all, he had been a hard-working, principled and upright man who had admirers across the divide. But lately, Lady Macbeth (as they refer to her) has been doing the calling – for the trivial of reasons.
He had a late night – a nephew’s wedding party, where more liquor than air sirup flowed. The hangover was bothering him and after cleansing his mouth (God forbid if she or anyone smells the vapour of stale alcohol) with a peppermint-flavoured wash, the drive to the government bungalow was uneventful.
His colleagues were already there and this was supposed to be an emergency meeting. The boss, dispensing with the formalities made the grim announcement.
“We can’t control them anymore. After all we had done, their minds are as free as the winds blow. We cannot contain their outflow of ideas and thoughts, which will cause us problems in the future.
“Too many of these people are espousing their thoughts and exercising their rights, aided and abetted by the foreign media and a handful of local journos.
“Here’s what we have to do: Prepare a schedule of unthinkable topics and thoughts. Get it gazetted immediately under one of those outdated and old-fashioned laws which give me powers to issue Ministerial Orders.”
The officers looked at one another; some in shock, some in a daze and some wondering if they heard correctly. Before anyone could speak, Lady Macbeth’s voice echoed thunderously across the living room.
“Are you all stupid? You all don’t know how to think? We want you to think of issues and subjects the citizens should not think about. Understand?”
They were still waiting for the boss to speak when that familiar feminine voice hit a higher note. “Simple-lah. They should not think about their health, their money, their children! They should not think about anything. At all times, their minds should be blank.”
“Madame,” one of them asked: “What about us, our wives and our children? They are our kith and kin, our blood. We cannot do it to them.”
'We don't care about anyone but us'
The tomato-coloured face turned to chilli-red. “We don’t care about anyone but us. Our Supreme Leader of the oppressed world… our Supreme Leader of the people… he must survive and rule, without the people thinking about anything but him.
“But…”
“No buts and ifs! If the people can be taught to pray and cry for the North Korean leader without thinking, so can our people,” Lady Macbeth decreed.
The chief of the legal advisers was busily scribbling away something on his notebook. A few minutes later, a note rolled out from the nearby printer.
It read: With effect from 1st August 2020, the people of this land are no longer allowed to think. They are required to carry out the tasks assigned to them from time to time. If for any reason, the Supreme Leader wants to humour himself, it is compulsory for all the people to clap and roll on the ground at the given signal. Anyone caught thinking will be given 50 lashes of the lathi (heavy stick for beating).
The boos took it, showed it to FLOM and signed it. It should be published in the government gazette in Zulu, Swahili, Urdu and another language the natives understand.
So, dear readers, the whole nation has stopped thinking.
R NADESWARAN says every citizen has a right to express his or her views with a view towards good governance which in turn will lead to a better quality of life for all. Email him at citizen.nades22@gmail.com with your comments.
The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of Malaysiakini.
