With regards to some of our local traffic policemen, you don't have to pay anything unless you are clearly in the wrong, and it is better to fight them off every inch of the way:

I was slammed into from behind (back right wheel cell) when executing a right turn at 1 Utama in Selangor by a young woman whom I calculate was going too quickly and whom I suspect was failing to turn right as required. My car suffered the damage.

The sergeant at the Petaling Jaya Traffic Police office said it was my fault, and there was a compound to this effect, but not to worry because it appears that my wife behind my back paid a bribe.

Which, by the way, explains a week of yelling and screaming emanating from a house in SS2, SEA Park, Petaling Jaya in the last week of July or maybe early August as I demanded from her the non-existent receipt for the compound so that I could get a refund and challenge the compound in court.

I went to Bukit Aman twice, I think, and on the last occasion I obtained a refund of RM150. I also sent a registered letter to the MACC but to date I have received no acknowledgment of receipt.

A discussion with one of my friends leads me to believe that in the process of what we will delicately call ‘maximising returns’, this sergeant may have been applying the approach of compounding both parties regardless of any discernible fault.

So I would like to know if he tried to shake down the other driver as well. I would also like to know if he asked the young lady where she obtained her licence; I would like to know if he commented on her command of Bahasa Melayu.

I would like to remind the dear reader that there is often an element of extortion involved in the extraction of a bribe, but don't worry Sarge, it isn't very likely that I will be asked to leave the country.

And now a quick word to the sergeant and the MACC if you get to see this letter: don't push your luck by going after me or my wife - you are completely out of your league and depth.