Today, some papers carried news reports that a nursing student had delivered a baby. This student was not helping a pregnant lady with a premature birth. No. The shocking thing was that the baby was the student’s own. And the baby girl died shortly after birth.

The place this student gave birth in was not a surgically-scrubbed delivery room in a hospital but an empty house in Pokok Sena, Alor Setar. There was no husband pacing in the adjoining room, cigar in hand, anxiously waiting to utter the ‘azan’ in the child’s ear.

There were no eager, expectant parents and parents-in-law waiting to gather the newborn baby in their arms. Nor were there friends or other family members waiting to hear if she had delivered a girl or boy. There was no one. She was alone. And that is the saddest and most shocking aspect of this sorry affair.

There is something inherently wrong with our society when a pregnant mother has to hide in shame to deliver her baby. We are not living in the Middle Ages. This is the twenty first century. But it seems that somewhere along the line to modernisation, we forgot about compassion and discarded our human values.

No one is saying that this student was right to indulge in premarital sex. Sex before marriage is looked down upon in Malaysian society. But the reality is the opposite. Young and old, rich or poor, educated or not, urban or rural - each stratum of society is not spared of it.

This tragedy has revealed that we are an uncaring society. This girl felt that she was unable to seek help from her own family, her friends and even the professionals.

Was she ignorant? Possibly even na ï ve? Maybe someone professed his undying love as a pretext, before having his own way with her. Could it be she was raped by a familiar person, who then threatened her? The possibilities are endless.

Whatever it is, if it was consensual sex, let us hope for her sake that she had protective sex and used a condom. She has already suffered the loss of her baby, it would be a tragedy to find that she has contracted some form of sexually transmitted infection (STI) or even find out later that she is HIV positive, too.

Many parents naturally want their teenage offspring to wait till marriage before being sexually active or be financially and emotionally secure first before starting a family. But even with the best of wills in the world, teenage or unwanted pregnancies can and will occur.

Maybe it is time we looked at sex education in greater detail. We should talk about sex to our child and use communication aids like books, leaflets or educational websites. Our culture and religions tend to sidestep this issue, or not deal with the difficult topics with emphasis and relevance in the modern context.

When sex is treated as a one-off or a taboo subject, people do not know how to deal responsibly with it. For instance, we hear enough complaints in the press about men who ogle at women, especially foreigners, who may have worn something considered revealing, or who act inappropriately when they have misinterpreted something.

Talking does not mean we are encouraging our youngsters to have sex. Nor does it mean making them watch the latest hard-core porn flick bought from the local pasar malam .

Talking means advising them about waiting to have sex, about contraception, STIs, and the consequences of unprotected sex, including becoming parents. Talking should also deal with the complex wave of emotions they will feel in a first relationship.

Talking means we tell them to consider the feelings of others in the relationship. It may be an idea to find out what is or isn’t being taught at school in the way of sex education. But in the end, it may well be that your child does not share your views about sex.

It is rare for someone to become pregnant on purpose. As had happened in the above case, this student’s pregnancy was unplanned. It left her feeling scared and vulnerable. Her insecurity and unhappiness are aggravated by the possible reaction of her family, friends and colleagues.

Thus she concealed her pregnancy and delivered on her own, in the empty house. Unfortunately, she perceived being rejected. Hence, this tragedy ensued. We are to blame, too.

The puritanical among us would probably ignore that she is a pregnant mother but contend that she has done wrong. They would be disrespectful of her needs and condemn her for what she has done. They forget that the mother-to-be will need a supportive environment, both physically and emotionally to ensure she has a healthy baby and is herself healthy.

Their negative comments will affect her self-esteem. Would the puritans have banished her from her home and community, as in the olden days?

Ultimately, this student will be the first to realise that having a baby brings about enormous responsibilities. She may need to provide care for the baby, give it up for adoption or even postpone her studies. It may well be this fear, that she is unable to continue her education, that she will be expelled that prompted her to keep silent rather than seek help.

Now that she has lost her baby, she will need more help to deal with the loss of the baby. Shock, trauma, guilt will be uppermost in her mind. No mother copes well , if at all, with the loss of a child. And there is also the need to find the person who got her pregnant in the first place. He, too, is responsible, for what has happened.

Sadly, this problem of unwanted pregnancies is not a rare one and is more widespread. Only the tip of the iceberg is reported. Currently, several teenagers go through abortions, legal or otherwise with or without the knowledge of their families. Girls in their mid-teens (15-16 years) are the ones who have early terminations the most. However, there are instances of girls as young as thirteen of fourteen getting pregnant.

The response we do not want is a knee-jerk reaction by our politicians and religious leaders. What is important is that our teenagers and youth have access to education, information and people who can help (counselors, social workers, doctors, health professionals) – and not more policies or stricter religious enforcement.

Thus, the politician who recently questioned the sale of condoms in convenience shops might want to reflect on the sad statistics of teenage and unwanted pregnancies. Condoms do not encourage promiscuity. They encourage safe sex. It is a form of birth control.

Not everyone can share his ideals in life, least of all the teenager of today. Nevertheless, was this politician not young and carefree once? Need he be reminded that, if one has to have fun, then one must be careful. But if one has to be ‘naughty’, then it is best to be safe?