I am sick and tired of reading articles in newspapers and magazines alike that merely report on the existence of double standards regarding cheating spouses and then meekly cap it off with sentiments akin to a shrug – ‘what to do, life is like that lah .’

It always starts off promising – acknowledging the double standards for men and women who transgress, in favour of men and is not in-step with the advances women have made in gender equality. This is followed by accounts of women wronged and why they stood by their cheater husbands, and then asking ‘experts’ why do these men cheat (horny lah , apa lagi !). And it ends there.

While I realise that sometimes good writing is when the article inspires reader to think and decide for themselves, I personally find the approach to this subject lame.

I am in no uncertain terms condoning or justifying cheating by any gender. I categorically believe that any act that involves lying, especially to someone close, is selfish, if not out rightly wrong – as with any action that benefits one at the at the expense of another. But perhaps equality should not only be measured by what one can get, but by what one can get away with.

Why does society, and that includes women, tolerate cheating men but burn at the stake women who do the same?

In one recent newspaper article , psychologist Danny Ng says, ‘Men find it harder because they feel they have lost face.’ The sub-text in all this is that is ‘normal’ for men to view wives as a possession while women innately do not have that inclination. This is a product of years of sexist indoctrination and as long as even women folk accept it as fact – the double standards are here to stay. Don’t come caterwauling about how it’s so unfair.

And then there are those women wronged, the good wife, who stands by her man and his reasons for doing so. The article states that often times women stay for pragmatic reasons – such as preserving the nucleus family.

Sounds like a good enough reason or are these women just making excuses for their husbands - a case of the human mind in shock and wanting desperately to hold on to something that they logically know is stupid? Divorce isn’t ideal for children but having a mother who suffers in silence is hardly an alternative.

How’s this for ‘pragmatic’ - instead of taking a vow of fidelity which is so commonly flaunted, maybe women can say, ‘I may forgive you your transgressions and stand by your cheating ass, but in coping with all that stress during that low point in my life, I may just entangle into an affair myself. Forgive much?’ (In the above article, a woman victim said that men stray due to ‘work stress’ and we wives should support them in this low point in their life).

Of course, there are women who take it a step further (which is not reported in the article), they tolerate ongoing philandering as part and parcel to sustaining a long marriage, especially when their spouse is rich and successful.

It goes something like this, ‘He’s a good father and besides ever since he has that side dish, I don’t have to get on back, stick my legs up to high heavens and pray for a Prada! Just close one eye, also got Prada already.’ I know not what to make of this ‘pragmatism’… except that Prada bags so are overrated.

I am not discussing the merits of staying or leaving a spouse that has cheated. The point is double standards for male versus female wrong-doers are symptomatic of real underlying gender inequality that pervades into other areas.

And it still exists because we allow it, we make excuses for it, we accept the ridiculous psychological analysis without taking into account that it is a study of the human psyche that comes with years of sexist indoctrination. It may be ‘like that lah’ now, but can we stop shrugging it off so that our daughters won’t have to settle for this short-end of the deal?

There shouldn’t be one set of rules but two-sets of punishments.

Note: The writer is not married and does not have children but is by no means a man-hater or penis-basher. She simply believes that being born without a penis does not mean she is therefore inherently more ‘forgiving’.