I was at City Square, Johor Bahru the other day when I heard a song blasting over the shop stereo. "Bitch, bitch, bitch," the rap song went.

This letter isn't a demonisation of rap songs -but a demonisation of the word 'bitch' and other violent words against women (God forbid rap music has received enough flak and whether rap is more violent than other genres is altogether a separate matter).

Every day we wage violence against women with our tongues. "She's such a bitch," referring to a snobbish woman, "didn't you see that she was flirting with Sheila's boyfriend just now - what a slut," and "Why is her miniskirt too short? Is she trying to be a whore?" are some examples of typical conversations in our daily lives.

And we don't think twice about such talk. I can't say I haven't been guilty of it myself.

But these words are violent - they are meant to shame and control women.

These words are rooted in a very patriarchal context - one that vilifies certain attitudes in women as unnatural and therefore should be regarded as animal in nature or one that believes that women should firmly have their legs shut.

Why am I raising a fuss over a daily occurrence? It's because to put it poetically, which my friend Nazreen Nizam did on distasteful words in general, "Words go through the ears to the brain and dwell at the heart. "

And also, these words have big implications. For someone who's been called a bitch and a slut, I can attest that it's a distressing experience.

It makes women police their behavior, creates self-hatred in women and makes them resent other women.

After all, these words create a division among women. It puts women into the very false good women/bad women dichotomy (how many times have you heard women themselves putting other women down using these words?)

If you're a Muslim, take note of the following:

"O you who believe! Fear Allah and speak a word that is right. He will set right for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great achievement." - Surah Al-Ahzab: 70-71

And an excerpt from a hadith it was narrated by Abu Hurayrah that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. -Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Al Muslim

If you're a Christian, take note of the following:

"What goes into someone's mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them. - Matthew 15:11

If you're a Hindu:

Among a man's many good possessions, A good command of speech has no equal. Prosperity and ruin issue from the power of the tongue. Therefore, guard yourself against thoughtless speech. - Tirukkural 65: 641-642

If you're a Buddhist: "The tongue like a sharp knife... Kills without drawing blood." - Buddha.

It's time we stop waging violence against women or supporting media that does. Just because the effects of such violence do not leave bruises, doesn't mean that it hurt less.

We can't really escape the media, but we can definitely filter what we consume and we can definitely censor our tongues.

The next time a conversation about a woman arises, try this instead: shift the conversation to her strengths and accomplishments whether at home or at work.