The following are step-by-step instructions on how to survive the political climate in Malaysia after looking at Keadilan Youth chief Mohd Ezam Mohd Nor's recent conviction under the Official Secrets Act for exposing documents that alleged corruption by two ministers:

  • Fill up Umno membership form.

  • Submit form.

  • Await approval from Umno's secretary-general.

  • Upon approval, take part in Umno branch election. At all course, make sure you win. Hire a bomoh (shaman), if required.

  • Once elected as branch chief, make sure you monitor all projects within your area.

  • For each project, ensure you get the cut. How? Kow-tim (settle whatever 'dues' in Cantonese) the contractors.

  • If the opposition raised the matter, challenge them to make a police report.

  • Then, kow-tim the police. Bring the matter to court.

  • Next, kow-tim the judges. The accuser goes to jail but you are freed.

  • Hunt for more and bigger projects.

  • Repeat the cycle.