I shall display the racial and religious sandiwara that serves to conceal the real business of money-making and government banditry that goes on in Malaysia via a fictitious interview with a fictitious Malaysian politician who has been injected with the ‘truth serum’.

Any passing resemblance to real-life persons, racial politicians and moral degenerates - alive or dead - is purely coincidental.

Question: Datuk Billionaire, why do you want to shut down the Chinese and Indian schools?

Answer: I tell you a secret. To become Umno vice-president, I must look like a racist, and if I say we must close the Chinese and Indian schools, that will be very popular with other racists.

Q: Is every Umno member a racist?

A: A few only lah . I am not a racist. I am just a businessman. But Malays who are not racists must get scared and I will frighten them. I will say terrible things, Teresa Kok is a monster, she is anti-Islam, Dong Jiao Zhong very bad, mixing with non-Muslims very bad.

The truth is that if Umno wants to win they must frighten the Malays, tell them they are weak, tell them they need our protection. Then they won't mind to vote for Umno even when I make billions of ringgit and they can't even find a job or get paid peanuts.

But only if I frighten them. If they always look at the Chinese and Indians as foes and threats and bad people and feel worried about them, then I can steal a lot more - even if I take away their English language skills, and provide only lowly-paid jobs.

They won't even notice...

Q: Why will they believe you?

A: I control the information flow, I control the media, I control their minds. You think you can get a newspaper license, a TV station licence? Who do you think you are? Of course they believe me.

Q: How?

A: With Utusan Malaysia, RTM , Biro Tata Negara, Bernama, and Umno speeches, they will be scared of everything. I make sure no one can get a newspaper license or a TV license unless they pay me, ha ha ha ha!

Of course they believe me. I got no competition, I control the mass media, everything. Ii will be an Umno vice-president, I can be a multi-billionaire. Anyway, of course the Malays will like me. They are frightened by the Chinese and the Indians. The more I frighten them, the more they love me.

Q: Adolf Hitler and Josef Goebbels believed in lies and it brought ruin onto the German people. Shouldn't you tell the truth?

A: Political power, financial power, judicial power, military power, police power, legal power, I got it all, baby. What is your stupid problem? I did not make this system. I did not make the rules. Dr M developed this system. You want money, you want power? Become a leader lah . Join Umno-BN, you will love it.

Q: What about Umno elections? What about divisional chiefs? You need their nominations for the vice-presidency.

A: Aiyah ! Why are you so stupid? I tell them I pay more. I say I can guarantee. They know me. They know I can deliver. We have done business a long time. We get rich together. I get the vote. I approve big projects, big contracts, big commissions, big concessions, life is good, man. Cheap projects I make expensive and we share a big commission . This is Malaysian business. Umno business, crony business, I tell you the truth, the rakyat will pay for everything. They are so grateful

Q: Is this not corruption? If you make cheap projects expensive, then the rakyat will be poorer paying for your projects.

A: Why you talk corruption? My friends rich, my family rich, I very rich - enjoy life lah . Money politics is not corruption. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Life is not fair, get used to it.

Q: But the rakyat pays the bill. Corruption will destroy the country like Zimbabwe, the Philippines, Indonesia, Somalia, Sierra Leone, Burma. Malaysia will become poor with corruption.

A: You want ISA or not? U bloody fool. Watch out...

Q: Sorry, sorry, sorry Datuk...

A: I tell you a secret. Money is the real religion. Race, religion, culture and language will the people get all excited but the real deal is the money. I am a politician and I am a businessman.

Money is sacred to me and power is sacred to me. With money, I can buy the party’s vice presidency.

There’s no need to talk about principles, no need talk about morals, no need talk about right and wrong.

Q: Are you going to close down the Chinese and Indian schools?

A: Were you born yesterday? I talk only because of the vice presidency and Umno elections lah . Everybody knows this. Why are you so tough to me?

Long time ago Najib waved his keris and said he will bathe it in Chinese blood. Now he becomes PM baby. I know the formula . Talk big, talk like racist and become an Umno leader and then get rich.

You know lah, nothing personal. I got many non-Malay friends. You know, I’m not a racist.

Q: Is reformasi a good thing?

A: The rakyat will have power with reformasi . They will have political power, judicial power, they will have rights, they will demand transparency, accountability, a clean judiciary, justice, and they will stamp out corruption so they their money will not get stolen by corrupt, greedy politicians.

It will be good for them but bad for me. I will do everything I can to delay reformasi , stop reformasi and I may even jail reformasi leaders.

I will talk more racial rubbish to distract from the real issues of justice, truth, fair play, freedom, rights and good governance. If the rakyat gains power, I will lose power. No more easy money and have to make an honest living. Aiyoh , die lah !

Q: Thank you Datuk, for the interview.

P.S. I hope this fictitious interview does not cut too close to the bone. It would be really embarrassing if it was real life. Ouch!