Sex education can make you 'stupid'

COMMENT I read in Malaysia Today (Nov 11 and quoting Bernama as its source) that one hundred infants are abandoned every year, with one in ten days in the Kuala Lumpur region alone.

What a heart-rending piece of bad news hitting our beloved Malaysia Bolehland.

The good thing is this wretched scenario has prompted the government at long last to announce the introduction of sex education in schools; to begin in 2011.

However this shocking piece of news and the policy announcement that followed reminded me of renowned philosopher Bertrand Russell who said that "Man is born ignorant, not stupid. Education makes him stupid."

I agree entirely with this gem of wisdom and formulate this writing based on my conviction to its truth.

Thus my observation that our youngsters are born ignorant but grow up stupid with their perception and understanding of sex.

I am sure this can be seen as a most radical statement to many so I am obliged to provide an explanation.

Formal and informal education

For this we have to be aware that there are two types of education, one informal and the other formal.

Informal education is when a subject is taught informally by parents, peers, community elders - by our elder generation - to the young generation. This is done naturally and impromptu in the course of the day, week or month, even years.

To illustrate; a mother would tell her adolescent son (e.g. named Ali) one day after noting he is playing too familiarly and intimately with a young female neighbour, e.g. by holding her and touching her often. She's concerned, so she'd say "Son, Minah (let's assume this is the girl's name) is not your muhrim so it's sinful if you touch her," or words to that effect to caution her son.

Muhrim in this case means people of the opposite sex who Ali cannot marry, like his mother, sister, or a cousin from his father's side. The rule says that touching a non- muhrim is a sin.

That's an illustration of informal moral and sexual education. There is no fixed hour, no syllabus, no exams involved and the teacher can be any member of the community.

Its formal version is when it is taught by a state or public agency, like schools and colleges and conducted by trained teachers. It involves classrooms, specific hours, and possibly examinations and evaluations at the end of the course.

With this clarification I say we educate our young in the traditional and informal way. The result at the end of the day has been that our young are ignorant or misinformed and misguided about sex, and thus ‘stupid' in his understanding and practice of it.

I mention my own experience below to illustrate.

I do believe it is still applicable even today. Primarily, the teachers. There are three of them, namely (a) family members especially parents, and the community; (b) the priestly class, like ulamas in the case of Islam, and (c) the government.

Secondly, their teaching. My community and the religious gurus or ulamas taught me that sex is a very high form of morality. It is a clean, pure and solemn act, to be performed only by married couples, within the privacy of a closed room and for procreation only.

Any other sexual activity is considered ‘haram' or sinful, and unsuitable even for open discussion; it is taboo. Any open discussion is actively discouraged even forbidden.

Bare-skin contact

With this background, I was brought up with the decree, belief and value that members of the opposite sex cannot even have bare-skin contact (re muhrim above), and that includes holding hands, and kissing either in public or in private; that the body must be covered at all times, that no sexual thoughts are to be entertained.

They taught me that the very act of procreation that otherwise comes naturally to every living thing and animal as something mythical, dark and forbidden, and shrouded in mystery.

I was brought up thinking that a mother gives birth via her anus. Sexual suppression is total. Sex outside of marriage is a decided no-no. I was not to be anywhere near sex until I am married! Should I do so then I would be punished not only by society, but by God in the Hereafter!

Keeping away from sex, or controlling my developing sexual instincts have become a social and religious requirement, a dogma: that if I ever break this rule I would deem to have committed a serious civil crime and religious sin; to be punished most severely both here in this world and the Hereafter.

The government's role

The government too plays a major role in informal sex education. It develops and plans to protect the purity of the youngster's mind. Its main trust is by way of censorship.

Obviously it censors overt and graphic ‘blue' films, which by the way is the prime reason for the establishment of the Censor Board. But the Board also censors movies showing the merest hints of moral degradation, fornication and promiscuity.

Its perception and definition of ‘morality' and ‘sex' and thereby their meaning is too narrow and literal. I remember ‘Schindler's List' not too long ago was banned for showing women in frontal nudity. I remember this scene well, it depicted women stripped naked by the Nazis and paraded into the gas chambers and their death.

The Board obviously has been of the prudish perception that frontal nudity is bad for morality, ignoring the context of it being shown. I am at a loss in this case, and wonder where my morality would be eroded as a result of seeing this tragic scene.

Books and magazines too would be censored. An entire book containing description and narration of sex would be expunged from the book shelves. Any photo of nudity especially those showing female breasts would be blackened.

I had one such photo blackened once: in my Time magazine there was a photo of a young female factory worker. That was not the offensive one. But behind her and pinned to the wall was a small hazy picture of another girl this time with exposed breasts. This tiny hazy image of the breasts was blackened.

Thank you Censor Board for protecting my morality although I am at a loss again as to how a tiny hazy picture within a picture could ever erode my morality.

Antiquated sexual values

On looking back I realise these teachers and the government machinery were imparting their wisdom of sex based on the way they were brought up. They teach the young to conform to the community's understanding practice of sex; with no change to accommodate for changing times.

Collectively they impart their respective antiquated sexual values perceptions to the innocent and unsuspecting young. Collectively they pay too much emphasis on conformity to group norms but sparing no thought for the individual's perception and interest.

It leaves no ground for the youngster to develop his own sense of morality and thus suppressing the development and growth of his own sex urges.

Herein lays the stupidity of our informal sex education. For I do believe this present approach and practice (and its similar approach) does not amount to educating and enlightening the young. Instead it amounts to indoctrination, and imparting and perpetuating myth and prejudice in the process.

The end result is that many of the young are ignorant, misinformed and misguided of this very basic human instinct.

And perhaps here is where we find the rationale for the tragic infant abandonment: the infant-throwing parents were breaking religious and social taboos!

They were fearful of the consequences as social stigmatisation would bound to follow if they kept their baby. This could mean and include facing jail sentences if not charges for murder.

They have no alternative but to abandon the product of their illicit liaison out of fear. This traditional sexual education might have been applicable even, say, fifty years ago.

Sexual revolution

Birth control methods and tools like the condom have been in existence for long, but in the fifties the birth control pill entered the human domain. Safe sex is the key word and has revolutionised human thinking about sex.

The new era has often been called as the sexual revolution.

After this sexual revolution sex is no longer taken by the modern human community as reserved exclusively for married couples and for procreation.

It is taken as an expression of love and affection, even commitment, between two consenting adults. It is taken as a form of pleasure and recreation.

While talking about love, I find it strange that my past sex gurus have never connected sex with love in their teaching. I have never been told "It's okay if you have sex with the person you love" by either my parents or gurus; forget the government.

Something is amiss here.

Sexually emancipated

I believe our children of today are of a new sexually emancipated breed. Higher literacy, better health, wider travel, greater communication, more mobility and experience is their forte. They mature faster and are more knowledgeable about their sexual development and growth.

They are more confident of themselves and also know their rights and responsibility as maturing and mature human beings.

They have the same sexual urges and desires but coming at an earlier age. They know the condom, the pill and the other birth control instruments.

Some would do well, and explore and experience their sexual life happily and responsibly.

But not all. Some others do not and stumble along the way. They are the ignorant and confused ones, and a little bit lost in the prevailing modern attitudes and environment.

They just do not have the knowledge and presence of mind to be rational when they encounter sex-related problems, like having unwanted babies. So we have the gruesome statistics mentioned above; the unintended consequences of an archaic informal sex education.

Formal education should fill the gap. In the fullness of time we should see some good results. In the meantime and now that we are proceeding with formal sexual education, we have to be frank with ourselves.

Are we as adults still teach sex as something mystical, mythical, taboo and forbidden? Even dirty? Are we still going all out to protect the conservative status quo and ignoring the changing nuances of post-modern human life?

Punitive dogma

Are we still fighting to retain our closed mind and ignore the need to have it open? Are we as members of the elder generation also in need for a formal sexual education so as to be more open views about this subject? My suspicion is that we'd still go on teaching our young in the old ‘stupid' way, of linking sex with high morality and punitive dogma.

This has to change. For the sake of our future generations we too have to move on from teaching our children with the virtually obsolete wisdom to something more current, and I might suggest some of the following: We as informal sex teachers should realise that the new generation develop sexually faster than before.

So much so that we have to also change our mindset to accommodate this change; that we have to be open with our young about sex. And when they encounter problems we should be more understanding. We should neutralise the fear factor they might be harbouring.

This can be done in many ways. How about us teaching them about birth control and other forms of safer sex as they develop into maturity?

How about us teaching them that sex is an expression of love and not something dirty, and if they are in control and responsible they can get tremendous pleasure out of it?

To the ulama class of people, I am hoping for them to ponder over this word ‘moral' and give it less rigid but more flexible, objective and unbiased meaning.

They should begin to realise that sex and morality truly belong to the private and individual domain. They might feel obliged to provide advice, but otherwise should not encroach and interfere into an individual's personal domain. Let the individual deal with his sin directly with God.

The ulamas should not play God; they should leave the lovers alone. The lovers do no harm to others. Ulamas should ponder over their petty exercise of chasing after young couples holding hands in parks or enjoying each other within locked private rooms or apartments.

We know that some people have died while trying to escape from this ulama practice. Would the ulamas take responsibility for these deaths?

More pressing issues

The ulamas should channel their considerable influence to address more pressing moral or religious issues. They and we all know that corruption in this country is rampant involving the biggest names, holding the highest posts and astronomical amounts of money. It is creating havoc to the well being and future of the country - a most sinister form of immorality to me.

If the ulamas are still keen to play God, they should go chasing after the corrupt who even now are milking the country dry.

To the government I say the following. Introducing sex education is good and should proceed with due haste.

But surely this is not nearly good enough. How about reaching out to ignorant youngsters that there are many institutions already set up to accommodate their sex-related problems? How about disbanding this quite ridiculous Censor Board?

How about throwing antiquated and virtually obsolete sex laws from the books? Just look into the practice of countries we wish to join in 2020, where can we better ourselves so as to be at par with them a mere decade from today?

In a nutshell, how about us creating a new mindset and environment for a sexually open society?

The closing of the generation gap and the new environment might just prevent many future babies from being secretly thrown away into dustbins or neighbourhood front doors, while the call ‘Malaysia Boleh!' can then have a ring of respect and credibility to it.

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AB SULAIMAN is an observer of human traits and foibles, especially within the context of religion and culture. As a liberal, he marvels at the way orthodoxy fights to maintain its credibility in a devilishly fast-changing world. He hopes to provide some understanding to the issues at hand and wherever possible, suggest some solutions. He holds a Bachelor in Social Sciences (Leicester, UK) and a Diploma in Public Administration, Universiti Malaya.