I am scared. I really am. That, as far as I can see, a bunch of incompetent, unqualified, corrupt fools will be running our country, however much peace and stability they can bring. That the people in charge are more concerned lining their pockets than fulfilling our needs. That all the work by people who oppose the ruling government can be neutralised by dumping a million dollars on an ad that threatened our freedom should we vote against them. What hurts more is that the ad was probably paid for by my father's (and other Malaysians') tax money.

I'm scared of so much secrecy in the ruling government. The Bakun Dam and Sungai Selangor Dam, Environment Impact Assessments (EIA), the disappearance of a substantial part of Malaysia's gold reserves recently, the tender process for projects and contracts why is there so much we don't know? Will we ever know all the ministers' assets, the Auditor-General's annual reports, the Air Pollution Index and what happens to our EPF and Socso funds? Why doesn't the ruling government tell us what it is going to do with a whole one-fifth of the 2000 Budget, conveniently termed as "Lain-lain"?

I am scared of the people's poor memories, and their complacency. How many remember Tun Salleh Abas' sacking in 1988, or Muhammad Muhammad Taib's corruption charges in 1996? How many remember Karpal Singh's re-arrest seven hours after he was released by the court? Or Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah's Christian headgear debacle in 1990? Will we remember the reformasi movement of the past two years come the next general elections? Will we still feel angry when the ruling government is wrong? Will we even care?

Suppression of information, control of the media, instruments of state (police, judiciary and the Attorney-General's office) used to propagate a climate of fear among the rakyat do these sound familiar? Laws are enforced not to keep the peace, but rather, to keep us in check. Frivolous charges are brought against citizens with just causes, like DAP's Lim Guan Eng's sedition charge and KeADILan's Tian Chua's so-called suicide.

I wonder where are we going as a nation, if we are being scared, and getting scared most of the time.

Again, it's fear at work, but this time it's from Barisan Nasional. If they were so sure they brought untold prosperity and good to the nation, why did they resort to the politics of fear during the recent general elections? Can't the rakyat judge for themselves? Surely we are capable of deciding what is good and bad, without help from libelous ads? Simple logic dictates that they were scared of losing.

Fear again.

Will BN do everything in order to win, even employing low-down, sleazy tactics? Or resorting to gangsterism? Or vote-buying, gerrymandering, and vote-rigging? Using public funds to win, not to mention public facilities and resources?

Lots have been said about Umno's Shahrizat Abdul Jalil's and Najib Tun Razak's slim victories in the recent general elections. Will this become commonplace for all seats if BN were to lose at the first count? Ever wondered why BN wanted to win so badly?

During the recent elections, the rakyat became fearful of many things.

We feared having an Islamic state and a man with a permanent headache to lead the country. We feared not having peace, stability, economic growth and not having food on the table. We feared anti-establishment youths burning and looting our stores and homes. We feared having a "mob rule" lead us, with violence and anarchy everywhere. We were afraid of losing our cultural and religious freedoms. No more pork and bharatanatyam . Ditto churches and joss-sticks. And the list goes on. Are these valid fears? Where do you think they came from? The BN, of course, who invariably do the thinking for a lot of people.

But, wait a minute. Are we scared of the wrong things?

Why aren't we scared of the super-saturation of lies, deceit and trickery in the media? About its bias in extolling the virtues of BN day in and day out? About the lack of transparency? About the stifling of dissent by arresting, banning and charging in court? About the judiciary's apparently lack of independence? About the possibility of not getting a fair trial ala Lim Guan Eng? About the corruption, and politicians who make a quick buck by approving a permit for a factory to dump chemicals into a river?

Why aren't we scared of those things? Worse, why aren't we scared of the ruling government doing the thinking for us, and telling us what to do, think, feel, act?

Why?

It's too scary, really. What if we cannot break away from this chain of fear, apathy and ignorance? For how long more are we going to say it is someone else's problem, and turn a blind eye and deaf ear? For how long more will we let our fears get the better of us, and behind those fears, ignore the truth?

We're so scared to take a chance even when it can be liberating. What if we keep succumbing to BN's politics of fear? We are in very real danger of becoming slaves soon if we don't look up the word "courage" in our dictionaries. Slaves not bonded by chains, but by fear. When are we going to wake up to this?

I am a student in school now, and politics really shouldn't be a part of my worries. Go study, my critics would say. But tell me this: How can one remain apathetic if all around him are so much injustice and evil?

Salam Reformasi , and may we not be scared any more.

KHOR SWEE KHENG is an 18-year-old student currently finishing his Lower Six in St. George Institution, Taiping.