COMMENT The horrific attack on me is still fresh in my mind. It happened last year, on the 10th of this month, which was a Thursday, around 7am.

Although my case has not been solved until today, I am still in touch with the investigations officer in charge of my case for updates.

There were so many assumptions on the case, some assumed it was about personal revenge, some say it’s because of my activism, and some say it’s because of a certain case I got involved in.

Whatever it is, only those who sent those three men to hurt, and maybe even kill me, know.

I can never forgive them. I wish everyday, that karma would get to them soon.

As for the positives from the incident, I realise who are my true family members and true friends. They supported me, not because they wanted to know why people attacked me, but because they care and love me genuinely, and because I was hurt and in pain.

After the whole incident, there was a lot of support from individuals that I never knew. I have tremendous support locally, regionally, and internationally.

After a few months, I was also honoured with a few awards internationally, such as the Alison De Forge Award by Human Rights Watch in Amsterdam and Woman of Courage Award by the US State Government in Washington.

I’m not boasting about my achievements, but this is what I call ‘life’. Sometimes we can be down and miserable, but there will also be times when we can be on top.

Life is like a wheel. We must always put our feet on the ground, all the time. Let me tell you all the truth: after the incident, I was devastated. I had a phobia about certain people. I had to leave the house that I had stayed in for six years, change my personal way of life and adopt security measures.

I become paranoid. I wasn't myself to the extent I didn’t trust anyone.

It was the second horrible experience in my life. The first was the experience in prison that I can never forget, nor cure. Until today, I’m still cautious of who I meet or mix with, who I help and where I go.

But no matter what, I’m still doing what I am passionate about, which is community work and I’m still trying my level best to advocate people on transgender issues, hoping that things will get better in the near future for the community.

This whole incident made me stronger and wiser in the decisions that I make nowadays.

As I always believe, if bad things happen to us, good things will come, sooner or later, if our intentions are always sincere, and we do good things in our mind and in action.

The pain of the knife cut I received from one of attackers has gone but the mark is still there, even though it has been a year. But it reminds me how much support and love I had from so many people around the world in the process of healing, until today.

Thank you so much, each and everyone of you who gave me the courage and the opportunity to move on in my life and believe in the work I do.

NISHA AYUB is a transgender rights activist.