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Every strike is meant to hurt, and every pounding, to demean. The man believes he has the right to put a woman in her place - by the occasional slapping around, as well as with the occasional sleeping around.

If he is promiscuous, he is merely being a man. But if she does it, she is a whore. In some cultures, a woman's mentality is said to be a 'backward mentality'. And hence, her father, elder brother, uncle, and husband have the right to raise their hands against her.

And oh. . .if your husband is a gambler, make sure not to put your underwear with the rest of the wash - it's bad luck for his ' pa kau ' (Chinese card game). His underwear is OK.

Women liberationists would turn in their graves.

Statistics from the police for last year show that there had been over 3,000 reported cases of domestic violence in our country. There were 1,217 reported cases of rape, and 136 reported cases of incest. Seventy percent of rape occurred in 'safe' places such as the home and in school.

Man-beasts on the prowl

Two days ago, major newspapers in the country reported that a young woman was waylaid at the KLCC carpark and raped in her own car by 'man-beasts' in a secluded spot on Bukit Persekutuan behind Istana Negara. An earlier abduction which ended in rape had taken place only a month ago at the same carpark. Was anybody bothered? If yes, why was there no preventive action taken?

And if there was preventive action, then it was obviously not enough.

For those whose memory fails them, here's a refresher on one of the most horrific rape and murder cases in Malaysia which remains unsolved.

About 10 years ago, an eight-year-old girl by the name of Ang May Hong went out of her home to the nearby shops to buy breakfast. She never came home alive. She was found brutally raped and murdered. She had a nails-tipped pole grotesquely inserted through her vagina, puncturing her vital internal organs.

Her assailants were never caught. She was buried in red. For the Chinese, this meant revenge - revenge from May Hong herself. And maybe she has avenged her death, and that's why no one has been caught.

If a smirk appears on your face - wipe it off. This is violence against humankind. But then the term being 'humane' itself is a joke. Humanity is a disgrace going by its treatment of women and children.

Violence against women and children comes in several shades:

  • selective abortion;
  • female infanticide;
  • female genital mutilation;
  • incest;
  • child prostitution;
  • pornography;
  • date rape;
  • dowry abuse;
  • bride burning;
  • widow burning;
  • acid attacks; and
  • the cycle of violence.

    • The last form of violence on the list - the cycle of violence - goes like this: There is a build-up of tension in the home between the husband and wife. The husband becomes standoff-ish. He becomes threatening. And finally all hell breaks lose and he turns violent on his wife. This violence can be a slap, kick, or punch, to the more damaging acts of throwing the woman's body against a wall, dragging her by the hair, breaking her bones through beating, strangling her and holding her by the throat, smashing her face and breaking her teeth, burning her with cigarette butts and hot iron.

    The next morning, and sometimes it doesn't even have to be that long, the man is apologetic - he would weep and beg to be forgiven. Some are known to have gone weeping to their mother-in-law. The usual excuse the man gives is that he was drunk, or that he was not in control of himself. Others would justify their action by saying that their wives had simply pushed them over the edge with their nagging and constant complains.

    Empty promises

    The man may blame others such as the children, work pressure and the influence of friends or even family. He then promises to never do it again. When this happens, the woman is moved.. She is ever so tempted to forgive him. The man pursues her in an attempt to win her back by promising to turn over a new leaf.

    When the woman forgives him - this is the honeymoon period - things are calm and the man is loving.

    Then the tension builds up again - because "the sky was too blue".

    Time and again women fall for this modus operandi of the abuse, apology, cuddles and coo, and abuse again.

    Why do women stay on with their abusers? According to a Women's Aid Organisation pamphlet, they do so because they are numbed by their fears.

    Beware the shenanigans of an apologetic man - if he hits you once and you allow it, he will hit you again. . .and again.

    PRASANA CHANDRAN is a member of the malaysiakini team. This is the first article in a series to highlight the issue of 'Violence Against Women' in conjunction with International Day Against Violence Against Women last Sunday. The next article is on the different forms of violence against women.

    A 16-day campaign is also on the roll all around the world since Sunday to raise awareness of all forms of violence against women in their communities.

    The campaign also highlights other significant dates such as Dec 1, which is World Aids Day, and Dec 6, which marks the anniversary of the Montreal Massacre in which a man launched into a shooting spree at Montreal University's School of Engineering building, killing 14 women.