Journalists in Malaysia are a cut above the rest.

Unlike our more brazen counterparts in certain parts of the world, we may not get a bullet or bomb in return for a story, but we do have our fair share of hazards.

We ply our trade in a country with numerous laws that can land us in jail, see our companies closed down or even be declared bankrupt in the wake of a pricey defamation suit.

Though we may not pen stories that show unscrupulous presidents the exit, we nevertheless, due to the mind set of our politicians and officials, are developing a skill unrivaled by our peers.

We are becoming psychics!

Credibility and objectivity aside. Just like Madam Zeeta, the old gypsy woman at the carnival, we are now relying more on crystal balls than tape recorders.

Why? Because our leaders and public officials say one thing but mean another. So white is actually black or even perhaps pink in this part of the world.

Without naming any particular person or incident in order to avoid a RM50 million suit, let us keep this topic as general as possible.

MIS syndrome

Of late, several prominent figures have disputed what has been published despite their remarks clearly stating otherwise. The excuse is simple, I did not mean this, I have been misquoted, misunderstood, misinterpreted and every other word in the English language that begins with the letters MIS.

So with leaders and officials who seem to be MISsing a vital link between their brains and tongues, we journalists are forced to wear Professor X's helmet.

The hard and cold truth is that these people suck when it comes to that important skill for any public figure, being media savvy.

While some are direct descendants of that molecularly intelligent, lizard-like species from Planet Zartan, others court the MIS syndrome with loose lips, lack of respect for journalists or the idea of being accountable and lest we forget, overinflated egos.

There are politicians and officials who relish having journalists and photographers chase after them with their recorders and cameras. They field questions on the run so to speak.

They spurt out monosyllable and utterly incomprehensible responses to pertinent issues, and we have to peer deep into our crystal balls and conjure stories. And when dawn breaks, the MIS syndrome will come knocking.

One common excuse for 'fly by' answers is: I am too busy (read: golf in 20 minutes) to sit down and entertain your questions.

But when they have something to tell the world, POOF! the clock stops ticking, the clubs are back in the bag, curry puff and tea is served and a lengthy press conference is held.

Shape shifting

The media is the link between the people and those in power. If they cannot find the time to be accountable to the people, whose tax money pays for the golf clubs, they should consider taking up a different sport.

Now that we are becoming psychics, I would like to warn my peers elsewhere that it is only a matter of time before Malaysian journalists master the mystical art of shape shifting as well. Why? So that we can turn ourselves into golf balls and have better access to our leaders and public officials albeit being knocked about as usual.

Forget what those mass communication lecturers told you, moonlighting as a caddy is a surefire way of getting great stories.

Over to the morally decadent West.

Switch on CNN or BBC, call it CIA, Zionist or MI6 propaganda, the fact is, politicians and officials there seem to take their jobs a tad more seriously. And the irony is, they invented golf (Although China disagrees).

Journalists shoot questions after questions and more often than not get comprehensible and concrete responses, a 'no comment' at the very least.

Over here, when too many well-informed questions are posed, a mental note is made to bar that journalist from the next press conference.

Why bother?

Sedated answers naturally spawn sedated questions. Journalists here have been beaten into a state of complacency with golf clubs and laws to the point that nobody cares to ask probing questions.

Why write something and be 50 million poorer or end up apologising the next day for another person's incompetency?

We have been turned into robots and the routine is simple: attend press conference, switch on tape recorder, come back to office, regurgitate the facts, go back home. Journalism is now a profession, not a vocation.

So here's a simple way to avoid the MIS syndrome. All politicians and officials, please take the time to answer questions with words that truly reflect your stand or opinion.

As for journalists in Malaysia, remember an apple is actually an orange while the word 'object' can range from a simple 'no' to an UFO.

Junk the pen, the club is now mightier than the sword. My 9-Iron please ...

RK Anand is a member of the malaysiakini team.